Sunday, December 14, 2008

Why I now hate Yamapi

(My version of Obi wan)

     I just burned down our kitchen. YES! Our kitchen! Our freaking house kitchen! c0rin just burned down her kitchen! Think black smoke! crisp! Ashes to ashes, dust to dust! Somebody offer me condolences or something! It's christmas and i'm burning down houses!

     Okay, must start from the start. It was really one of those days you know? You wake up at 12 noon and think: "I'm hungry and I want milk and sandwich." So there I was, in the kitchen, supposedly making/stirring/whatever hot milk and then realization came. 

"Why is there no hot water?" 

     So being a good daughter that I was, I filled the teapot with water, opened the stove and decided that since the teapot whistles anyway, I may as well go online and maybe check my messages or something. I never even noticed that when I opened the stove, I didn't remove the cork thing used to cover it. I just placed the pot on top of it. 

     I immediately logged on to youtube since crunchyroll pretty much suck these days as I cannot, as always, access it! Anyway, to make the long story short, there I was, happily thinking to myself as I watch Yamapi do the daite senorita dance: 

"Wow, those moobs are really something, I wonder if he used estrogen or what."


"Gad! I wonder if Toma ever tapped those hips?!" 

     When all of a sudden, I noticed that there was this thick black smoke hovering above my head (I was sitting down) and all my brain can come up with was: 

"Whoa. Cool."

     And then I woke up from my moment of Koyama-ness and realized the the house is on FIRE! OH MY GOD THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE! And so, mustering up whatever courage I have, I ran to the kitchen (1st floor) and totally choked on my own hair. (because it was long and I didn't have the chance to tie it!) I couldn't see ANYTHING but this BIG YELLOW/BLUE  fire rising up to the ceiling! 

     I did the only thing I thought of at that moment. I threw this BIG plastic container I grabbed from beside the SINK (which in case none of you got, PRODUCES WATER) at it and HOPED for the BEST. Of course, we all know how that TURNED out. Throwing plastic container WITHOUT water won't exactly save the world. Recovering from my stupidity, I opted to do the next thing I thought of. 

Turn on the electric fan. 

     Let's just say I won't be listening to NewS Happy Birthday song anytime soon. (Nor do I wonder why I lost my dean's lister status) And while i'm at it, I think being bald might be a good look for me. 

     The thing about our house is, we have a BIG backyard. So it is highly unlikely that people would ever notice should we ever be on fire. Especially since our backyard is one ENTIRE MOUNTAIN WALL! And let me just mention that our house is three stories, so my family won't notice what's happening unless I shout it out. So there I was, confused, wondering if this was my end and how embarrassing this is, as the headlines would probably be somewhere along the lines of: 

"Family burned to death because of gay Japanese actor." 

     And then, I suddenly felt enlightened. For some reason, something came over me and I felt this sudden adrenaline rush! I grabbed all the water containers I could find, filled them with water and by SHEER LUCK, managed to put the fire out. (Let me tell you, all this happened in like, 3 minutes but it seemed like a LONG LONG time) I'd bet you my pink ARASHI feather boa that Edward Cullen would be proud of my strength. 

     Of course, the next thing to do was cover my tacks. Because really, if you should ever get to meet my mother, you'd never want to be me ever. For one, she's an "elitist" (think school admin or something close to that) and two, she doesn't tolerate stupidity. Needless to say, my state of panic comes from the knowledge that she'd probably ground me for life and i'll never get to see KATTUN's slutty costumes again rather than the fact that I burned down the kitchen.

My mother has no member-ai.  

     Now how can I possible hide the evidence when it's GLARING at you? You can't really say that the reason why the once white kitchen tiles turned black was because aliens invaded the earth and decided that black it the new white. I mean really? Who would believe that?

     I contemplated turning a blind eye and say things like, "What do you mean? The kitchen looks the same to me." But decided against it. Because let's be honest here. The stove looks like someone placed a hand granade under it, even Bill Clinton can't deny it. I did the only thing I could and packed my bags. 

Well, no, not really. But I wanted to. 

     Let's just cut the story short and say that my mother went YODA on me. (Hence the picture) She was like, "To be irresponsible all your life, is that what you want to be?"  and "Think of your actions, that was all I asked." I can't say I blame her though, her daughter took up ARSON as hobby. Not to mention the fact that my sister, (a lawyer) is probably processing my ADOPTION papers as I write this whole thing down. And my younger brother is on his phone going, "Dude, my sister just fucking burned down our HOUSE!" 

     Needless to say, I will never see the light of day again. I just hoped my new family has a daughter who's into JE. 

Anybody want to adopt me? 


Lilly93 said...

sorry but that one funny dtory xD i do feel sorry for u tho! n btw... pi isnt gay!! *glares at u* but like seriously! u mom didnt even ask if u were oK!!?? thats fucked up girl! if it were me my mom and dad would also go loco but they would at least ask if i was ok...

c0rin said...

Pi is gay! *glares right back* No, actually, I went to the doctor and all, but I don't even have burns so really, it wasn't that big a deal. It just singed my hair and I panicked and totally lost it for a minute. But I recovered easily! Thanks!


wow that is unintentionally hilarious sorry to say!
and you house sounds huge!

c0rin said...

@Where the wild roses are: Uhm, thanks I guess. Haha. Our house is just...spacy?