Because my life is so obviously fail

(कटन?)

When I flew over at my dad's during the valentine's weekend (separated parents), an old (and pregnant) friend invited me to a food-tasting event held in one of those fancy hotels in the city. Of course, I, thinking that since it's valentines, automatically assumed that it's going to be filled with cakes and pastries and as you already guessed, I said yes.

And boy, was I surprised.

I have never seen so many pregnant women in my life.

Turns out, it was a food-tasting event for BABY FOOD. (Damn you Witch! Your baby better be named after me!)

And so, after about three hundred denials consisting of "No, i'm not pregnant" and "No, I did not get pregnant out of wedlock." I finally managed to get past the 20 or so mothers who keep on insisting that I touch their bellies because that's how mine will supposedly end up 6 months from now , (Damn you Witch!) and I ended up beside a woman (teenager) so pretty she could have been an angel. (Pregnancy suits her)

"Have you seen a girl with a pink head band?" I asked her, looking around trying to find MY friend.
"No. So how many months along are you?" She smiled, "You look like you're my age."
"Uh...I'm not pregnant. I'm just here to accompany someone." I answered, all but trying to get away because really, this is the pits. But NOOOO. She just had to start a conversation and I can't exactly ignore her because she's pregnant and well...She's pregnant.

"I see, did you taste this?" She handed me her cup of some weird brown stuff which I will never be able to name. Ever.
I looked at the thing... "No. Can't say I have. Nice?"
She made a face. "Disgusting. I'm craving for sushi. I watched this drama called Sushi Oji. It was funny."

Of course, with an opening like that. Did she really expect me to NOT follow through?!

Me: OMGOD!! DOMOTO KOICHI?!!
Her: OMGOD!! YES!! You like Jdramas?!
Me: OMGOD!! YES!! You?!
Her: OMGOD!! YES!!

So after about 2 minutes of flailing and KYAA! Domyouji! And KYAAA!!! Nakatsu! And KYAAA *insert random Japanese guys in general*!

Her: My absolute favorite is YUKAN Club! So funny!
Me: .....huh?
Her: You never watched it?! MOGOD! Like watch it! Watch it! I can totally lend you the dvd! Can I have your number? I'm Leslie by the way.
Me: No... No.. I've watched it... Just that... Really? Yukan club?
Her: Well duh! AKANISHI IS HOT!!!!!!!!

Let's just say that after that I just...Didn't have the braincells to argue.

Me: I love Yamapi!!!

And for some reason, she started laughing out loud. I'm serious. She laughed so hard that she kept holding onto her stomach and I was like..

"Are you alright? Please don't give birth here."

Her: Yeah, a friend told me once that a girl burned her house because of Yamapi.
Me: .....Uh ha ha...ha..ha...ha? Eh..Who is this friend? *shifty eyes*
Her: Well, I don't know the girl but I guess my friend does. She's like, obsessed with YamaPi and all.
Inner Me:. Don't be paranoid. It's not you. It's not you. There's a big difference between kitchen and house. It's not you.
Her: So, i never did get your name? Mine's Leslie. I'm married to a Japanese guy, that's how I got into jdramas/jpop.
Me: Nice to meet you. My name's Cor...vin... *insert "it's my grandma's name" excuse.*

Etc. Etc. Etc. So now, I made a new friend. (Who doesn't know my ACTUAL name and who i've confirmed, has no LJ account! So HAH! It's not me!)

All was well and good, (even though I had to force down disgusting baby food) but they had cold milo so I managed to finish about 10 cups of that.

In fact, I rather enjoyed it. The only bad thing about the entire event was this mother who started lactating and asked me to help her stuff her boobies with tissue. But i'm sure nobody wants to hear about that so I won't elaborate.

When I got home, my dad eyed my free "For your baby package", (With baby powder, oil, shampoo and all.) and asked me to sit down the table.

"Is there something I should know about?"

"Sighs."

In any case, if anyone's looking for me, i'm hiding under a rock.

Dramas! Dramas! Dramas!

You can't bully me Toma!
(Apparently, not many people recognize that my ICON is TomaPi)
 

 

What happened? I was gone for a few days and it seems that half of LJ updated? And yet, there's nothing exciting going on. Well. Except for YamaPi missing Toma and Maki. And Tegoshi dating an older woman? I didn't even know that Tegoshi was a guy. Oh well. You live, you learn. 

So I finally caught up with a few dramas and I just want to flail!

1. VOICE- TomEita! GAAAD! Even their namesquish is ADORABLE! I love episode 3 because of them latching onto each other's arms! I'm even starting to like Aki! And to think she used to irritate me! I don't know what's happening but I think the other 2 members of the seminar are suddenly placed in the background. Bet meh, the characters are so sugary cute together they make my teeth hurt. 

 

2. RESCUE- Am I the only one who thinks that this is a serious version of voice? The main characters even have the same initials. And backgrounds. And BFF's to support them.... It's a little too serious but Yamamoto Yusuuke more than makes up for it! I don't even care if Nakamaru's nose took half the screen, everytime I see HanaKimi dude being a BASTARD, I want to tie him with silk handkerchief on a fireman's pole and abuse him with leather whip or whip cream. (I can't decide, leather whip is kinky but whip cream is tastier...Sigh.. My life is so obviously hard.) 

Nakamaru has a nice body, why didn't I realize it before? All tall and straight. SQUEE! Here Maru-chan! Have a BFF!

(I'm still wondering what his actual role is...)
 

 

3. Uta no Oniisan- Ohno is LOVE I always say. He still is. I keep waiting for an update of this drama. I've only watch till episode two and so far, i'm liking it. Though the prince isn't so charming and everytime he sings a children song, my head is filled with images of JOHNNY KITAGAWA and the HEY SAY CHOIR on a big SAUNA bath. I don't know why! I do not know WHY! Of all things my brain dead brain can come up with, it has to be that! I cannot wait until Ohno takes the reins and dethrone that tights-loving prince! I also love the "other" Maru, though his role is more of a comic relief, he's still perfect for his part! 

4. Mei-chan no shitzuji- It took me up till episode 3 to realize that the white haired butler is Yamada Yuu's husband in Seigi no Mikata! How slow am I?!? This drama is just hilarious and nothing more. I suppose it's also meant to be suspenseful and such but as it progresses, i'm just getting tired. And whatever happened to Mameshiba/Otoya? Gone are his princess2 D days when he was all new and fresh! Nowadays, everytime I see him he looks more and more molested! (not that he isn't love anymore, just that,...what happened?) Anyway, Hiro makes a cute butler! and his VOICE! GAAAD! He always sounds sincere! What's up with that VOICE! I want to hear him speak in English again and again and again! 

5. Kami no Shizuka- I may be the only person in this world to actually like this drama. Shocking. Because I never finished Tatta hitotsu no koi and I never got passed episode 2 of 1 pound gospel. And yet, I am eagerly awaiting episode 3 and I am not even a KAME FAN. (but i'll admit, I'd like to have his brows as it is a magnificent work of art.) It may be the wine or it may be the music but for some reason, it appeals to me. I do not find it boring, (for the moment) I enjoy seeing Kame in formal clothes because it makes him look like a decent guy that you can almost forget that he sluts for a living. (Not to mention that his hobbies include cross-dressing and making out with questionable men. I love JE boys!) I also like the "enemy" because he's just....I don't know, evil? Plus, why is Robert-sensei always a connoisseur of some sort? Too bad the ratings are low. 

 See Kame? Even Jin is pissed that your drama ratings are low. (Is this Jin?)

6. Others- Well, I'm going to watch Kiina now. And Love shuffle. And that love/angst drama. 

 

 

TOMAPI FIC: The moobs factor

Title: The moobs factor

Pairing: Supposedly TomaPi but for some reason, a lot of JE ninja’ed themselves in.

Genre: Crack?

Summary: Apparently, YamaPi had breast enhancements.

A/N: A BIRTHDAY fic for a friend. This fic made me realize that I was not meant to write crack (unless it’s real life) or porn. Lol, I tried hard! UNBETA’ed! Beware of tenses, they're all over the place.

 

It all started with Ikuta Toma.

Well, not really. It actually all started with Jin but we’ll get to that. So anyway, Toma was busy staring at Yamapi’s fluffy pink sweater one fine monday morning. He thinks that life is so not fair and that he needed more sleep because for some strange reason, he finds himself staring at the circle-shaped design near Pi’s chest and thinks that they look tasty. In fact, they look exactly like the meat buns his grandmother used to bake. And so of course, he just had to tell someone that fact.

That someone turned out to be none other than his cafeteria seatmate and loyal friend Akanishi Jin. Now, as everyone probably already know, the Bakanishi is a lot more stupid than his fan girls would like to admit. And so, when Toma told him that the design in Pi’s sweater looked a lot like the meat buns his grandma used to make, Jin’s instant reaction was to do a very complicated hip-roll that had the 7836 gay managers of JE looking at him like he was God’s gift to women, (Which he IS.) and that he should be given an new solo with English lyrics like “sweet” and “secretions” for the greater good of the company.

Johnny Kitagawa just thinks that maybe it was time for another nightly visit.

Then of course, Jin’s brain (or brains. I can’t really tell.) finally processed that his friend had said something very important and he just had to answer. 

“Huh?” Was what he said. 
“Forget it.” Was Toma’s reply.

Now, Toma, had of course, already forgotten that little incident and was moving on with his own life by trying out a few of Aiba’s feather boa collection while the whole of ARASHI debate whether or not they should wear color-coded underwear for their 11^th anniversary party. But unfortunately for him, (Toma) Jin had a very good memory (although others might term it "slow understanding.”) and remembered what his very good friend told him.

“Did you know that Pi’s moobs are actually meat buns?” Jin told the first person he saw the moment he remembered what he thought Toma said. That first person happened to be a very good band mate of Yamapi’s and was currently very hungry.

“Meat buns?” Massu’s eyes glazed. He didn’t realize that his leader liked to keep his food in his chest. He thought that maybe that was where Pi hides his secret stash to keep them warm and so that is why they (the NEWS members) never see him eat anything other than that disgusting protein jelly. Massu decided that maybe it was time for an investigation. Besides, it was almost time for lunch.

“Eh? Leader’s chest is full of meat buns?” Tegoshi exclaimed. Massu nodded. Tegoshi tilted his head. He doesn’t really care but he remembered touching them before and come to think of it, Yamashita-san’s moobs are indeed soft and warm. “Sou ka.” He told Massu who he noticed, was now eyeing their leader’s chest with a very hungry look in his eyes. Tegoshi hoped that his singing partner wouldn’t bite their leaders’ chest suddenly. YamaPi cannot afford to be hospitalized because he still needs to do Tegoshi’s make-up for their concert tonight. He spotted Nagase-san and decided that it was time to be Godly. He needed a back-up just in case.

Koichi knew his friend wasn’t exactly the brightest bulb in JE but neither was he the dimmest. No one else but Domoto Koichi would know that the honor belongs to the sluttiest KATTUN member who is not Kame. Or Koki. Or Junno. Or Ueda. Or that guy with the big nose.

“What do you mean Yamashita-san’s chest is fat? They’re called pecs.” 
“Tegoshi told me that when he touched YamaPi’s moobs, they were big and fatty. I think he’s taking estrogen pills to make them bigger. That bastard.”

The Kinki kid sighed. His creepy partner will have a field day with this one. Heck, he might even change his hairstyle again. Which, now that Koichi had thought about it, would serve him well. Because seriously, what’s up with the perm?

“Did you know that your precious YamaPi has BOOBS?” Tsubasa told his best friend who was busy…. doing something he usually does when they’re not doing anything else. 

“Mfffgh?” Came Takizawa’s muffled reply. 

Tsubasa groaned. (Not that it's important to the story.) The newly bald Tsuyoshi had earlier told him that it seems Yamapi was growing breasts underneath that sweater he was wearing. Apparently, the whole of JE was talking about Yamashita Tomohisa’s not so secret boobs.

Now, Tackey, who considers himself as a father to his favorite kohai, immediately cornered the now supposedly boobied (there is no such word, just so we’re all clear on this.) Yamapi inside the NEWS dressing room and demanded that he be shown the “goodies” as it was his job as a responsible surrogate father to name them. He had already decided that right was Tackey, left was Tsubasa. Or Jinnifer and Shigeako. Whichever fits better.

Needless to say, Yamapi dragged a confused Toma from doing MatsuJun’s dirty laundry into the JE elite lounge and threw him on the king sized bed owned by Chinen, (Because Ohno sleeps there sometimes) and started stripping. Toma stared and thought that he might as well wash that sweater too. And the shirt. And the moobs…

Which, he later found out,  tastes a whole lot better than the meat buns his grandmother used to bake.

And with that, our story ends.

------

“Did you guys know that Yamapi had breast implants?” Yoko gleefully informed his band mates.

They ignored him.

So what?

Yasu still wears a skirt.

My JE experience!

(Too much love!)

Hey guys, since it's the new year, I feel like talking about myself because I feel like i'm starting to seem like a ditz the way I talk and all. Lol. So here are a few things about me in general.  

- For all my talk about NEWS and KATTUN, my fandom is actually ARASHI. Yes. You read that right. ARASHI. After 3 long years of fangirling them, I still can't choose a favorite. I love them all so much I can't even choose WHO to TALK about! I have their dvd's and posters and watched MOST of their shows no matter how weird some of it are because I rarely ever watched an episode which BORED me. (I got bored with CKTtun show.)  

- Yamapi is my ichiban. But I fangirl a lot of people. Just because I don't talk much about him, or post or litter my page with his pictures does not signify that i've lost interest. I love him because everytime I watch NwP. He makes me fall in love with him again and again and again.  

- For all my talk of Yamapi, I have a strong feeling that if i'm ever given the chance to meet him, i'll treat him more as a brother rather than a lover. Because I felt like i've known him for so long that it's almost...incestous. Lol. Which is why i've always said that my obsession with Pi will be determined the moment I meet him!  

- I liked Shige since I saw his new hairstyle in weeek. But no one seem to know him then, it's only lately when I started talking about him. The guy is lovable because he fails so so so so so so much. But man, can he write.  

- Jun-bait was what happened to me. Gokusen 1. The reason I got into JE fandom. Now I don't stay for Jun alone. I stay for all the GAY men in JE! (which means ALL of them)  

- PiKame was the first JE yaoi pairing I ever shipped. Yes. PiKame. NwP. I loved the ending. So so so so much. I still read fanfictions of them together. I can't help it. It was my first JE yaoi love.  

- My OTP is TomaPi. Because I saw Toma in HYD and got interested and learned that he was with Pi in 4tops. Watching their vids, I realized that Pi ALWAYS looked happy beside Toma. He didn't look like a ROBOT and he didn't have what we now call "fisheyes". I believe that Toma is good for Pi. And I hate Johnny for breaking them apart.

- YaMaki is my HET OTP. Because they look good together and they look good for each other!

- KoyaShige makes me "squee" a lot because it makes me think that this should be how TomaPi would be right now!

- NEWS is my 2nd favorite boyband because they are all SMART. (Yes! ALL!) I don't think Kei is as ditzy as he acts, nor do I believe that Massu is stupid or that Shige always fails.... Their interviews make the most sense out of all the JE bands. And they actually give answers which are logical!

- I don't hate KATTUN. Most people think I do but I don't. Life would be so boring without their constant bickerings and slutty-tumes and sheer idiocy. They win at being bad.

- I hate HSJUMP. This is very very very true. I don't hate the members, just the fact that they are all young and looked too ready to do whatever just to make it. I'm scared for them.

- I love: Yamapi, Toma, Tsubasa, Tsuyoshi, Guchi-Maru-Ueda, all of news, Okada-Ken, Taichi-Joshima-Nagase, ARASHI, Ohkura and Kusano Hironori. Yes, Notti.

- I know that JE people can RARELY sing, act, dance, host at the same time, but even when they lack all of those and the looks, they still bait me. Stupid JE packaging.

- I love Ishigaki of Question. I want to feel his hands.

- I could never understand how NEWS costumes look like rags while Kattun costumes look like sluts. News can't even afford proper make-up and hairstylists while Kattun is littered with eyeliners and lipgloss. Plus Jin has really fluffy hair.

- I believe that TEGOSHI is GOD because no one in NEWS is yet to suffocate from their costumes. Except maybe for Shige.

- I don't care what ARASHI wears. They can hold a concert in drag for all I care, i'd still be joining the party.

- And lastly, I have no idea how I managed to stay in fandom for three years. SERIOUSLY.

Thank you's!

(Chibis' as christmas gifts anyone?)

Wow. This is the last day of my punishment! (posting everyday until christmas day.) I can't say  I didn't have fun. Personally,...This has been the most productive I have ever been!

So what can I say? Thanks for putting up with me and my quirks! Some of you must have had enough of JE boys and YAMAPI and SHIGE by now! I don't mean to spam you with these gorgeous lovable beings, it's just that I love them and I like showing it! *smiles*

Thanks to Shingung and Doda, (and sometimes lilly!) who seem to be here everyday, i'm actually quite touched. And to everyone (anonymous or not)  who visited my blog and who read my fanfictions. (Even when I RARELY update it) I appreciate the comments everyone left and my deepest thanks to everyone!

I'll try to continually update but knowing me, by tomorrow, i'd have forgotten all about this blog. Haha. 

Thanks guys! 

Merry Christmas!

(Our Christmas lantern)

From where I live it's the 24th.  The day before christmas. Christmas eve. 

Tomorrow is the 25th.

To everyone who are able to read this post.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I wish you and your family happiness, fulfillment, and peace.

This day is all about love. 

Give and accept! 

There's plenty of it to go around!

The grand scheme of things

Sometimes, the world feels too strange and too big for me. 

I stare without seeing, I eat without tasting, I listen without hearing, I breath without smelling and I touch without feeling. 

Why are there moments like these in my life?